I remember when I first heard about the Sandy Hook Elementary School shooting. On my way to pick my children up from school, I flipped the radio on to listen to the news. As the reporters relayed the latest information and known death toll, a wave of grief threatened to envelope me. I immediately switched off the radio. My children were in Pre-K and 1st Grade.
Unfortunately, tragedy is not something from which we can shield ourselves. We live in a sin-filled world, where innocent children become victims of a mentally ill man bent on widespread destruction. It’s a world where loved ones suffer from debilitating diseases or leave us too soon. It’s a world where entire countries can be devastated by earthquakes, tsunamis, or hurricanes in a single day.
When a tragedy hits close to home, the impact leaves us reeling. It’s normal to
ask questions like, “Why did this happen?” or “God, where are you?” Dealing with the death of a loved one is especially devastating, and those affected may feel like there is nothing they can do.
What You Can Do When Dealing with Loss
1. Seek Support
It is natural to want to close yourself off when a death occurs. For a while, it may be necessary to give yourself space to cope with what has taken place. Some people prefer solitude or reflection rather than group work. Do what feels right for you. However, loss and tragic events need to be acknowledged and addressed. Do not try to avoid what has happened by “throwing” yourself into your work. You may need to talk to a pastor, counselor, friend, or family member who can understand the emotions you are experiencing.
2. Accept Support
Not allowing your friends and family, who may also be grieving, to support you can build tension and resentment. While you may not always know how to express your needs in times of intense grief, it is important to let others know their love and concern are appreciated and noticed.
3. Take Care of Yourself
Overwhelmed by pain, it is easy to neglect physical needs, but self-care is vital for coping with grief. Take the time to get enough sleep, eat nutritious food, and exercise. Avoid depressants such as alcohol and narcotics, which only numb the pain of grief and delay the grieving process temporarily. However, do not make any major changes to your normal routine or your normal medication regimen, if you are under the care of a physician.
4. Give Yourself Time
Grief responses are as unique as the person experiencing them. There is no right or wrong way to grieve, or a set time you should feel sad over a loss. Some individuals can step back into their normal routines within a few weeks. Others may need a few months to engage fully. The healing process takes years, and it is normal to feel pangs of sadness even decades after a person has passed away. Give yourself the time you need to grieve and integrate yourself back into your community.
When to Seek Outside Help
It is important to know that grief does not equal depression, but grief of any kind can trigger a major depressive episode. In such circumstances seek help from a trained counselor, psychologist, grief support group, or crisis center, especially if you feel overwhelmed or experience any thoughts of suicide.
Finding closure after a tragedy can be difficult, and the healing process takes time. Whether you need months or years, surround yourself with family, friends, and those who can help you celebrate your loved one. Doing so, and knowing when to seek assistance from a counselor, will help you cope with your grief as you move forward with your life.
In part two we will share ways to support someone who is dealing with loss.
